(above lyrics are from Medicine by Daughter)
These are just some lines I've read from somewhere around the internet, but that have been so striking to me that I've decided to keep them in a notepad file as a reminder as long as it takes for me to learn these by heart - literally. This time, the theme is: vulnerability.
"It's about intention – ‘Can this be the safest place that we have: with each other, you can be afraid with me and I can be afraid with you.’ ”
"To know that you are seen and loved for who you are and to perceive someone else in all of their vulnerability and love them as they are may just be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences."
"Imagine the vulnerability barricades that go up when that starts to play out between a couple. What everyone is really looking for is worthiness, and the belief that they are worthy of love and belonging."
"My emotional patterns were rooted in fear and caused me great pain and the experience of always feeling "hurt" by someone else. Where there's fear, there's anger, sadness, hurt, pain, suffering."
"Love is about giving and sharing — not about getting. Love is not needy."
"Your focus on getting love will always lead to a closed heart and controlling behavior, which shuts out love. Your focus on being loving, and on learning what is loving to yourself and your partner in any given moment, is what opens the heart. When you consistently choose to be loving with yourself and others, you will experience real love."
"If we replaced the subversive and insidious ways that we tear others down — teasing, sarcasm, and barbed humor — with kindness and appreciation, the world would be a different place."
"Research from the University of California found that the quality of positive support—reassurance that a partner is loved and esteemed and is capable of taking control of his or her life—is the most crucial factor in the health of any relationship."
"--moments of intense need and vulnerability, when a loved one is called upon to provide responsive care and does not come through. In these incidents, the answer to the key attachment questions—“Are you there for me when I need you?” and “Will you put me first?"
"Be vulnerable. That way you know if you can be vulnerable in your relationship. If you can't, then it isn't a relationship you want to be in."
"- Emotional honesty. This means letting the other person know when you're hurt, or lonely, or sad, and also letting them know that you're happy to see them, that you enjoy their company, or that you feel better when they're around. This can be hard, if you're not in the habit, because you sometimes have to be pretty explicit about it - expecting your partner to "just know" does not actually work. Media tends to be a negative example of this - romance in the movies/books/tv shows tends to elide the actual bones of communication because it's not sexy or perfect.
- Asking for what you want - which means opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection. I'm not sure what kind of walls you have, but this is a really common thing. Expecting the other person to intuit what you want and give it to you also tends not to happen in the real world.
- The "making space in your life" thing means, to me, being willing to make compromises and change your schedule/habits/preferences to accommodate the other person. This is a balancing act for sure, but if you aren't willing to open up your routine to spend time with the other person on a schedule that isn't necessarily the one you'd pick for yourself, you're not going to be able to reach that balance."
"It's okay, I've got you"